Tattling, Other Adults, and Our Role

The practical action steps we take in supporting our children openly communicating.

Earlier we shared why we encourage tattling and how we handle it here.

"Tattling" or "tattle-telling", "snitching", "ratting", etc.

AKA: kids whining about what someone else is or isn't doing possibly to get them in trouble.

An adult problem, not a kid one.

What do we do about other adults and children shutting down tattling? Classroom policies with blanket rules against telling on each other or calls to “report” not tattle? The peer pressure to not “snitch?” (More later on how we deal with this with other adults, particularly adults that have an anti-tattling stance.)

We fully acknowledge that this is frustrating and annoying behavior for grownups to deal with it. You're not alone if you find it irritating and being human, there's no shame in feeling that way.

In our experience it is worth learning how to deal with that frustration. To always be ready to hear a child because you never know when what they have to tell you is something crucial.

It is important to keep in mind that it isn’t enough to just give children, particularly very young children, guidelines to only come to their parents/caregivers in the case of blood, broken bones (that they probably can’t see anyway), fire, someone trying to steal or hurt them, etc.

Or to ask them "is this to get someone IN trouble or OUT of trouble" or to direct them to "figure it out."

Parenting with Connection Masterclass Series: Yell less and actually be heard; Emotional regulation for the tapped out/burned out parent; Why your kids are fighting so much and how to change it; Stop butting heads with your child; When responding with calm doesn’t seem to work; Internet, Devices, and Your Family. Plus, a special discount for paid Susbstack subscribers!

Since young children often don't know how to tell if someone is trying to hurt them, we let them tell us everything and then help them sort that out. In each individual situation, we work with our children to determine what our role is in that moment, a practice that continues on into the teen years and early adulthood, evolving with their emerging skills, stages of development, and growing confidence.

Our possible roles when our children tattle: