Ask Jessica and Jeremy: What meals will kids eat without complaining?

We give a detailed response to what magical meals to serve that all the kids in one family will eat without complaining and how to get kids to try new foods.

When it comes to feeding kids it can start to feel like you either have to be a short order cook or some kind of fairy godmother granting wishes of dino nuggets and mac and cheese while at the same time having health authorities all over the world warning of health concerns related to nutrition imbalances. After making a balanced meal that is even pretty tasty, it can be so frustrating to have food rejected by our offspring.

Many a parent has mentally played the scene from Beauty and the Beast where the Beast yells at Bella to “GO AHEAD AND STARVE!” in the moment of a child refusing the meal we made.

What I see in our fridge after shopping and my kids say there’s nothing to eat. Just kidding, our fridge is never this clean and pretty and I would never store produce like that. Photo by Ello on Unsplash

A reader asks us how to have meals that kids will eat and not complain about and how to introduce new foods in a way that will get kids to eat them.

Welcome to our second “Ask Jessica and Jeremy” article. Before we dive in, we have a question for you about what we call this.

We regularly receive questions through social media (are you in our private group?), email (signed up for our emails?), texts (our clients can text us directly) and now this form on a wide range of topics related to relationships and parenting and we realized some of our best writing really comes in the form of responses to specific questions. So we decided to do more of what we enjoy and do well and start a new weekly feature where we answer reader questions. If you have a question you’d like us to answer, please submit it via this form so we can be sure to send you our response so you don’t miss it if we choose your question to publish.

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Jessica and Jeremy Martin-Weber

Michelle asked:

Dear Jessica and Jeremy, How do you have meals that kids will eat and not complain, and how you got them to try things they didn’t think they would like.

Hi Michelle,

This is a great question! One we hear some version of pretty often. A struggle as old as time.

We’ve dealt with a lot of frustration around this area ourselves and have run into further complications with sensory sensitivities with texture, anxiety regarding expectations and consistencies, reactionary tensions related to misophonia, and stressors with timing.

With all that how DO you have meals that kids will eat and not complain?

Listen, I HAVE NO IDEA. None.

That’s not entirely true but I can’t actually give you a list of meals guaranteed to please all kids and be healthy. Pretty sure that doesn’t exist.

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Jump to the super practical suggestions, meal ideas, and real life tips here but be warned, skipping this part will make it all harder because this is all that makes the real difference here.

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Full disclosure, I’m with the kids on this.

I grew up a picky eater and I complained about food plenty until I finally understood that to do so was going to result in a yelling lecture, maybe a spanking, maybe having my mouth washed out, and STILL having to eat the slimy crunchy slug-onions that made my stomach flip-flop and quiver so that I felt sick even if I had to sit at the table all day or have the same food served cold 5 meals in a row.

In that way I guess it is possible to have kids that won’t complain about food. But since connecting food with anxiety seems like maybe not a healthy parenting strategy or something I want to emulate, I can’t say that we’ve found a fool-proof method that doesn’t involve some level of trauma.

Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

In our experience it all starts with adjusting adult expectations.

Kids are going to be kids and kids complain because they have the filter of a run-off drain grate.

Expecting food and meal complaints as a normal part of child development is simply more realistic than expecting to have meals that kids will eat and not complain.

That said, 3 of our children are adults now and as surprising as it may be, they do not complain about meals any more! For that matter, it is pretty rare that any of our children do, with the exception of our 3 and 6 year old occasionally deciding they no longer like a food that just yesterday was their favorite.

Spoiler: this is developmentally appropriate and common. 

We do have some strategies that we've found work well and we certainly have some favorite meals in our rotation that are generally a big hit with everyone but as far as meals that kids won't complain about... no. We have not found the food fairies that magically make the perfect meal for every child, every time, all at the same time.

*Cries in fruit budget.*

A tip we find can help lower complaining is kids having time to adjust to the idea of what is offered at a meal and knowing they will have some options for autonomous food choices. Communicating with plenty of lead time (i.e. before starving to death status has been reached) what the plan is, ask what they think of it, and let them know that if they need or want an alternative they need to communicate with you early as well.

Here's the thing: kids are going to complain. They need to. Expressing their thoughts and feelings out loud are how they learn to process those thoughts and feelings and develop emotional regulation skills. They aren't great at filtering their thoughts nor do you want them to really filter their dislikes and feelings with you, their parent or caregiver. The more they know you can handle their most negative, critical opinions on what food is served, the more trust they have that you can handle their most negative, critical opinions on more important matters.

So invite their criticism and get curious as to why it bothers you that they complain about the meals you've made.